Train Wreck

Today's Earworm- Technologic by Daft Punk

Today was the sort of day that leaves you really reconsidering your work/life balance. It began with all kinds of human-error transport issues. I started the ball rolling by forgetting my train ticket. I also managed, in the rush, to punch in the wrong ticket zone, but, fortunately the ticket inspectors were fairly forgiving of that.

Train (#2, #1 having departed whilst i searched for my ticket and fumbled with the machine) serenely cruised onto the platform slightly late.

Escaping from Flagstaff, the screen on the tram terminal assured me that the next tram was going to arrive in 20 minutes. *Delightful*. That blew away any buffer time I had. Also, as a footnote, the screens belong to a firm I had a fairly excruciating sysadmin/support interview with a few months ago, followed by deafening email silence. It was the sort of morning to be thinking of that sort of thing. Nobody is ever going to give me a break.
Have you any idea how hard it is to flag down a cab in the Melbourne CBD of a morning? Now I do. The tram arrived just as I managed to flag one down with the assistance of another cab that was waiting for a fare. The cab driver was great. Couldn't fault him. Traffic abysmal. Got to work, had to hit the phones right away, there's difficult paperwork I have to complete (late), there's a uni assignment I should have handed in (also late), the stress of managing my own panic at not knowing nearly enough answers yet, by 3:30 I'm vibrating with stress and I can't picture making it to the end of the day, let alone however long one normally stays in this sort of role.

I collapsed earlier on this evening but now I'm too tired to sleep and I don't know how I'll get through this week.

My job is somewhat less than ideal for my personality. Actually my personality is only ideally suited to ordering about a few personal slaves while I read trashy books on a remote beach. But its where I am for now. Any energy I have for bettering my circumstances has to come from outside work. I have to recharge my batteries by remembering to lead a meaningful life outside of work, remembering my friends, my home life, my interests and my dreams, because despite being a geek *I will not find meaning at work*. Not being a tiny cog in someone else's machinery. And I've been guilty of only sleeping and working and wondering why I haven't got anything else going on in my life and feeling downhearted and overwhelmed. Can't recharge the batteries on 24 hours a day stressing about career.

By de-prioritising work in my realm of things, it will take the pressure off me to be good enough, and maybe I'll get better at it? Maybe with enough energy left over for my other projects, maybe that will open more doors, even live off those in future?